What type of Zwifter are you?

What type of Zwifter are you?

Do you love Zwift? I'm thinking that some enterprising business person is currently setting up a Zwift detox centre for people hopelessly addicted... So I ask the question... what kind of Zwifter are you?

Mike Boudrie

Have you forgotten the feeling of fresh air, sun and rain on your face? If someone mentions going for a ride is the first thing you ask what Zwift event you should meet them at? If this is you, or someone you know then they are a 'Zwifter'.

After vowing never to get on a stationary trainer again years ago due to the onset of extreme disinterest and boredom, I have finally relented and set myself up with a Wahoo Kickr and subscription to Zwift with promise of extreme engagement and superman like fitness gains... but as I sat in my shed staring at my laptop I was prompted to think about an entirely new breed of cyclist, 'The Zwifter'.

... what sort of Zwifters are out there?

THE DIE HARD

The Die Hard is a the fully committed type, they have drunk the Kool Aid and love their trainer unconditionally, it is another child, they spend hours on their 'set up' and have a deep knowledge of this strange online world. You used to ride with them regularly but now see them less and less. 

What to watch for:

  • Jerseys are no longer part of their cycling wardrobe. 
  • Weather is no longer a consideration.
  • Can't understand why you would even consider riding on the road.
  • Possibly a former triathlete.
  • Owns a big screen/massive HD monitor and has a permanent high end 'Zwift bike'.
  • Posts all Zwift rides to Stava under the delusion that they are real.
  • Favourite sayings 'whats your FTP' / 'How do you cope with lights on the road' / 'I rode the London course yesterday' (said in a way that they genuinely believe thy were in London) / It's so interactive and social...

THE SECRET ZWIFTER

This is a special type. You ride with them on your bunch ride but they appear to get some impressive fitness gains even with the same training load as you. There's no evidence of Zwift in their lives, they never mention Zwift and they change the subject when you comment on their fitness gains. 

What to watch for:

  • Out of bounds areas when you visit their house and disproportionate high ratio of knicks to jerseys hanging on the line.
  • Salt marks close to their TV.
  • Zero drop in fitness after periods of apparent no riding or very poor weather.
  • Occasional slips about 'riding' in various overseas locations.
  • Slight awkwardness when asking them about Wahoo or Zwift.

THE DENIER

This is your friend that openly proclaims their dislike of stationary trainers but then goes on to sort out a full gourmet training set up in their house. This can happen quickly or can sneak up over months.

What to watch for:

  • Excuses. Tells you about their Zwift rides or races but always inserts a disclaimer about how they were too busy for an actual ride, or why they could not get out with the group.
  • You notice a gradual increase in their posting of Zwift rides to Strava.
  • Takes a sudden interest in buying fans.
  • Complains that Zwift rides don't count toward total K's on Stava.
  • Warning - The Denier is at high risk of moving to the Die Hard category.

THE NON CYCLIST - The True 'Zwifter'

There's a new category of sport out there. It's called Zwifting. It can't be a bad thing... my research indicates that there are people out there that actually only ride Zwift, I'm betting that we'll see Zwift races televised and on reality TV soon, then not long after we'll see the UCI Zwift World Champs.

What to watch for:

  • Collections of as-new road bikes advertised for sale - some with comments that 'real wheel never used', or very low road k's.
  • An increase in T-rex arms on your non-cycling mates.
  • Sudden unexplained interest in bikes.
  • Extreme weight loss (at least in the virtual world to get them up the hills a bit quicker).
  • People selling high end rear wheels

I'm falling into the Secret Zwifter category right now... with a hint of Denier thrown in.

Tell us about your swift addiction. It's ok.

Massive shout out to the guys at Essendon Cyclery for the sexy pictures and for getting me set up on Zwift.